Help. One of the Hardest 4-Letter Words to Say.

Help. Such a simple word to write, but oh such a difficult word to say out loud.

Somehow along the way, asking for help became a symbol for weakness. A symbol of defeat, like waving the surrender flag to show everyone that you can’t do it all, that you failed. Many would rather fall into a deep dark blackhole in the farthest galaxy than ever, ever ask for help.

What happened? In an age where we are competing with everyone’s highlight reels and fantastical images of ‘happily ever after’s’ on social media, where parenting is compared to false ideologies of Bluey and Cocomelon, where holidays need to be Pinterest and Instagram worthy, where filters are the new image of beauty, and where never, by means never, are you to show the truth and take off the mask we put on daily to tell others, we got this. But the truth is, we don’t get this, there’s no way to get this, it’s an impossible bar to reach, because simply it isn’t a real bar at all.

If this is speaking to you, I am not shocked, because honestly it speaks to most of us. If you need help in this area (no pun intended), then I’m glad you’re here, you are in good company. I have a saying that I tell myself when I get frustrated with the state of life, when I feel helpless that things won’t ever change, when I feel most discouraged, I remember I can make the change, “one person must always take the initiative.” So, if you are feeling anywhere close to where I’ve felt, remember you can break the cycle, ask for h.e.l.p.

We aren’t meant to do it all, remember the old adage “it takes a village,” where did that mentality go? It somehow warped into “the village can’t see we need help,” rather than reaching out to those who can ease our burdens and comfort our fears, we run and hide, or worst we fake we are okay. Our pride and ego take hold, and we are left treading water, and eventually our legs get tired, and we feel like we are about to drown.

STOP. Stop wasting energy when we were made and built for community. Admitting you need help, admitting your imperfections does not mean you are a failure. Read that last sentence again. Actually, I’ll write it out again, admitting you need help, admitting your imperfections does not mean you are a failure. Admitting you need help, is bravery at its core. Admitting you need help, is a level of vulnerability that only the most elite can have. I believe you can be the elite, you can admit you need help, because the reality is, we all need help, just most of us don’t have the courage to ask for it. Be brave. Have the courage.

As a therapist, when someone calls me reaching out for services, one of the very first things I do is commend them, commend them for making this huge step, commend them for being brave and putting themselves (and if for couples counseling) their relationship first. I know it isn’t easy to reach out to someone, especially a stranger, and especially for counseling. There still is so much stigma attached to therapy; attached to mental health services. Most individuals come to therapy 7 years (yes, 7 years!) after they start to need it. 7 years! They have been treading water, barely getting by, feeling hopeless, discouraged (insert any other emotion here) for years and years before asking for help. So, when they finally do, I want to celebrate (don’t worry I don’t bring out the blowhorn); I may not outwardly celebrate, but I definitely verbally acknowledge their courage.

I am not saying therapy is the only want to reach out for help. Asking a loved one to listen. Asking for someone to come over to help make the bed. An extra set of hands around the house. Assistance during a recovery from an illness. Assistance with finances during challenging times. Or just asking someone to be with you.

If you have time, read this Winnie the Pooh excerpt:

‘We just thought we’d check in on you,’ said Piglet, ‘because we hadn’t heard from you, and so we wanted to know if you were okay.’

“Eeyore was silent for a moment. ‘Am I okay?’ he asked, eventually. ‘Well, I don’t know, to be honest. Are any of us really okay? That’s what I ask myself. All I can tell you, Pooh and Piglet, is that right now I feel really rather Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. Which is why I haven’t bothered you. Because you wouldn’t want to waste your time hanging out with someone who is Sad, and Alone, and Not Much Fun To Be Around At All, would you now.’

“Pooh looked at Piglet, and Piglet looked at Pooh, and they both sat down, one on either side of Eeyore in his stick house.

Eeyore looked at them in surprise. ‘What are you doing?’

‘We’re sitting here with you,’ said Pooh, ‘because we are your friends. And true friends don’t care if someone is feeling Sad, or Alone, or Not Much Fun To Be Around At All. True friends are there for you anyway. And so here we are.’

Everyone needs help now and again. Now, some don’t have the blessing of support readily available to them, some don’t have a Pooh or a Piglet to check on them, to sit with them. That’s when I truly encourage you to see a therapist. A therapist will help you move forward with whatever mental or interpersonal issue you might be facing. A therapist will process the past hurts with you, the complications of life, and give you the life preserver to keep going, and to actually enjoy life authentically and truly- in community.

Let’s be the agent of positive change, let’s start a new narrative, a new story, let’s be each other’s cheerleaders again. On the days when we can’t be as awesome as Bluey’s parents (I mean honestly who ever can), on the days when we just can’t muster the strength to make the bed, or to cook dinner, on the days when we are most overwhelmed and need a helping hand, let’s reach out for the hands around us who are willing and ready to help.

To schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation please call Sunshine for the Soul Counseling, LLC at 561-440-2487.  If you are in the area of Wellington, FL, I can see you in-person or virtually. Within the greater state of Florida, I can work with you virtually.